Here we are, January 2025, diving into another year and another term of profoundly absurd not-greatness.
In “honor” or just plain recognition of that fact, I picked up some fresh Sharpies. I mean … it’s not ALL bad, signing your name BOLDLY with a nice fat felt tip marking pen. I like having them around.
Honestly I also love Sharpie’s branding and their feel, too. I don’t know if it’s what I’d call a real presidential pen, but Trump’s use of the Sharpie is definitely not the worst thing about him. I don’t even totally hate it, now that I think about it. There is something disrespectful about his use of The Sharpie, but … it suits him. Sharpie itself might even be a good example of something great about America (although their markers are also currently manufactured many places other than the US).
While I love fountain pens and “fine writing instruments”, I also get TONS of pleasure out of writing with cheap, accessible, “over the counter” pens you can pick up anywhere. Sharpies are perfect examples of that.
Sharpies are also very Hollywood: if you want to scrawl an impressive, bold signature on your glossy photo for a fan, a Sharpie marker is the perfect tool for the job.
Taking some inspiration from stars-who-sign-with-Sharpies is actually a great idea. Less precision, less over-thinking, less making-yourself-small. More BIGNESS, more CONFIDENCE, more LEAVING YOUR MARK IN PERMANENT THICK BLACK with a great American scribble. Sign a contract you have no intention of honoring! Undo years of hard helpful work by public servants! Order an execution! Start a war! Pardon a war-criming shithole!
Be BRASH! Never hesitate! SIGN YOUR STUPID NAME! Or just *pretend* you’re doing something important. Whatever!! Who cares? Your adoring fans LOVE you!
I will be no shrinking violet in 2025. I will wield more SHARPIE, and apologize less. Why worry? I can use a whole sheet of paper to write one single word in big letters and underlined. Like … NO! Or NOW! Or just my cool ass name because it pleases me so. WHY NOT?!?!
I’ll be an ad man. I’ll make big deals go down. I’ll splash out so many jagged peaks and valleys with my manly power-lines that people won’t know if they’re coming or going.
CONTROL the page and the plebes you hand it back to with SHARPIE!
