More and more I’m coming to accept that I am not a huge nerd fan or collector the way other people are. I just don’t seem to have the mindset of other fountain pen aficionados.
I love things a lot — music, movies, books, writing utensils — and they feel like part of my story of myself, but I never really go full-bore into anything. Not my favorite musicians, not my favorite filmmakers, not my favorite writers … not even my favorite fountain pens. I enjoy things on a more utilitarian level, deriving tons of pleasure and feeling from putting what I love to use, and admiring their beauty as is.
I get into things that normal regular people aren’t into, to a degree that I seem weird to your average joe, but not to the studied depth of people who consider themselves true nerds, enthusiasts, etc. So I’m more just … a dork who likes to geek out on stuff and get excited about lots of things most people are unfamiliar with.
Replace with a cool photo ASAP
With all of my favorite things I am more of a fan than the average person, but nowhere near compelled the way TRUE fan(atic)s are to drill deeply into minutiae, to pick things apart for every potential flaw, to give a fuck what people on reddit are saying about what I already know I love and value, or to memorize every single thing involved in their creation and use. I’m sometimes curious about those things, but only up to a point. The point where the knowledge no longer enhances my enjoyment, but actually takes time away from doing cool shit or even undermines what is better left a simple pleasure. Sort of like the law of diminishing returns where you have to invest more and more to realize smaller and smaller increases in profit or whatever; I’m obviously not an economics nerd but you get the gist. Engaging with other fans is also not a priority for me, and mostly sounds like it would undermine my enjoyment more than accentuate it.
Example: I’ve loved Cowboy Junkies and Prince since the 1980s, but there are tons of their recordings I’ve still not heard, albums I’ve not bought, names of associated acts I’ve not memorized, etc. There were a couple times I rushed to the record store (when those were A Thing) to buy their latest releases, but … more that I missed / didn’t feel urgently compelled to get at RIGHT AWAY. And I was in college before I realized it was normal for “real fans” (and even just casual ones) to for real actually go to concerts / live performances. In stadiums even, to see Madonna! Metallica! PRINCE! I don’t know why, but when I heard advertisements on the radio for those things happening in the nearest big city (at the Tacoma Dome, usually), I just never felt like it applied to me. I couldn’t afford it for one thing, but I liked listening to music alone, and attending a concert is the opposite of listening to music alone. There are all of these other stressful things before, during and after going to a live performance and I pretty much hate all of them. So while I was maybe the biggest music nerd and fan in my graduating class (of less than a hundred people: small town), I am far from the level of nerd you need to be for the internet to recognize one as such.
The same is true with authors and tv shows and filmmakers I have loved: lots of series I haven’t finished and big gaping holes in my knowledge base of their works even when I feel really passionately about what I *have* enjoyed from them. And don’t even get me started on Star Wars. Though I will say a Star Trek convention may be the only big fan event I kind of have a longing to go to.
The same is true with FOUNTAIN PENS and other writerly office and desk accoutrement. I’m at a point with expanding my “collection” (is it a collection if you actually USE everything in it and want to enjoy everything more than you want to keep everything pristine?) and research for this site where dipping my exploratory tendrils into the world of FP enthusiasts has me shrinking backwards. Frequently UN-enthused by it. Feeling like that is a world I do not belong in and where I would not be welcome. A world where even just visiting or trying to say hello might diminish the pleasure I get from my own fountain pens. Nobody seems to go to fountain pen meetups to get a load of (entry-level) Parker Vectors. Which is fine because THEY may not value them, but I value them enough not to want anyone else to put their fingers on mine.
I might delete this post later. I don’t want to complain about the beautiful things and ways other people experience and create joy within the fountain pen hobby. Or I might muster up the social courage to try some of things out and find my fears and apprehensions were unfounded and I’m wrong about a lot of this stuff. Maybe I am just intimidated and insecure (like many many people are when they dive into social media and see influencer’s very very fancy perfect depictions of their immaculate [insert hobby here].
Really I am just reflecting on all of this with relief, celebrating this clarity to nail down what my values really are. What brings me the most pleasure (firmly and confidently able to set aside what does NOT bring me joy, and leave those things to others):
I derive pleasure from places of purity, retaining more “beginner’s mind” … learning from doing in solitude, away from the influence of others. I want other people to enjoy that same pure pleasure with their first fountain pens. With confidence and unfettered freedom. Without getting bogged down by complicated fancy-pants fountain pen culture and social media.
